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The pain is unbearable. Not the surgical pain.
Whoever invented the morphine pump should be awarded a Nobel Peace Prize or People’s Choice Award or something.

It’s the mental pain. Mourning a body part. Blackmailed into submission.

This is my final gift to my mother. As on a game show, when the contestants lose, they’d be given parting gifts.
Cue the announcer with the friendly voice.
“And over here, we have Lauren’s Mom. She’s gambled her life away for the one huge elusive jackpot. Too bad she didn’t win it tonight, folks. But as a parting gift, she’ll receive a pink bloody kidney.”
The applause sign lights.
The audience follows stage directions.
The camera fades.
Fades to black.

~*~

When Mark tells me I had a complication, I listen.
When he tells me I’ve been in the ICU for two weeks unconscious, I believe him.
When tears slip from his eyes and he tells me my only kidney shut down, using the words renal failure and hemodialysis, I panic.

“My mother?” I croak, from a throat that feels as though someone held a blow dryer on it.

“She’s fine. Discharged. Doing well.” He kisses my forehead.

“Is she here?”

He grimaces. “She’s recovering, Laur. She doesn’t want to be exposed to the germs here. She sends her best.”

“Call my fucking mother and tell her I need my best back.”

Mark squeezes my hand. “Your sister is a perfect match for you. As soon as she delivers, in six months, she’s going to…” He pauses while pain registers on his face. “Well, not right after she delivers, see, she wants to breast feed for one full year according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, and…”

What day is it? Christmas is coming. I’m already so far behind.

“Mark, could you push that button on the morphine pump?” I love Christmas.

don’t put your bitch on

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About the Author: Catherine DiCairano

Catherine DiCairano resides in Connecticut with her husband, five children, three chinchillas, two cats, and a one-footed parrot (that's a long story). Her work has appeared in The Shine Journal, Bewildering Stories, and a forthcoming piece in On the Brighter Side and Word Riot. Please visit her website; she'd love to hear from you. www.catherinedicairano.com