I officially entered panic mode.  And panic mode is usually accompanied by stuttering and random acts of clumsiness.  That’s when my arm shot out from beside my body, and this time I actually did spill my tea everywhere. 

 

           Mr. Andrews jumped up as the tea ran over the front side of my desk and onto the floor.  I awkwardly tried to mop it up with random papers but ended up just spreading it around my desk even more.  Not that it mattered.  After today, it would most likely no longer be my desk.

 

         I attempted to pull myself together and act like nothing happened.  “Um, I liked him. I liked him a lot.”

 

           "Good!  Who is meeting with him now?"  Mr. Andrews asked.

 

           Oh my God, Katie!  She was asking him more embarrassing and completely inappropriate questions as we stood there.  I had to stop her before she went any further.

 

              “Uh, you know what? Rob from Finance wasn’t ready for him yet, but I, um, I think he is now, so I’m just going to go get him, really quick.” I had barely finished the sentence by the time I was out of the office, running down the hallway and leaving Mr. Andrews literally in my tea dust.

 

           I burst into Katie's office just as she was saying, "So if you had to choose between dating Jennifer Aniston and Pamela Anderson, who would you pick?"

 

           "Katie!"

 

           "Oh, hi Hilary.  We were just finishing up.”

 

           Chad sat in his chair, with the same clueless expression he had on his face during my interview. 

 

           "That's okay.  I'll take it from here."  I stood behind Chad trying to explain to Katie what had happened using some panicked and completely sloppy version of charades.  She looked at me like I was crazy.  Which was probably a good assessment. 

 

           Chad must have felt the breeze coming off of my rapid hand and body movements because he turned around. 

 

           I stopped abruptly and smiled.  Then, in my most calm and collected voice said, “Chad, I’m gonna take you to Rob Baker’s office now.  He’s a Vice President in our Finance department.”

 

           "Finance?"  Katie asked with puzzlement.  I shot her a warning look.

 

           “Yes! Finance! Um, Chad is interviewing for the Finance manager position, remember?”

 

           Katie scrunched up her face and began to shake her head.  Chad looked back and forth between the two of us like a tennis ball in a match point rally, trying to figure out what part of this conversation he had missed.

 

          I didn't want to waste any more time so I simply took Chad by the arm and practically dragged him out of the office.  “C’mon, Rob is waiting. Don’t want to leave the Vice President of Finance waiting!”  My voice was so high and filled with shock, it sounded like I was practically singing to him.

 

          Chad looked down at my hand on his arm and then casually glanced around the office as if he were scanning for a hidden camera of some sort. 

 

           We got into the hallway, and I attempted to cover up the debacle by saying, "Sorry, slight mix-up.  I thought Rob was out sick today, but it looks like he's here.  And now he's expecting you." 

 

           Chad cleared his throat.  "Okay.  No problem." 

 

 

*           *           *

 

         I returned to my office and waited for the backlash.  And at 5:00 pm, it came.  I was called in to meet with Mr. Andrews. 

 

           I sat perched on the edge of his large leather chair as he paced the office slightly.  I felt like I was back in grade school, sitting in the principal’s office, waiting for him to tell me that I had done a bad thing and he would have to call my parents.

 

 

           "Hilary, I just spoke with my nephew." 

 

           I nodded.  The knot in my stomach grew bigger. 

 

           "He decided to take a job offer somewhere else." 

 

           "Oh," I said quietly.  "That's too bad.  I liked him." 

 

           He smiled awkwardly.  I could tell this was hard for him.  Probably the first time he had ever encountered something like this.  He spoke slowly and kindly. “Look, I’m very happy that you like him so much but it appears that your, um, interview style might not be all that appropriate for this office.”

 

         Oh God, it was more brutal than I could ever have imagined.  I bowed my head in complete shame. 

 

           "I just think that personal questions should be saved for outside of the workplace.  Don't you?" 

 

           I don't know why I felt the need to come clean and tell him the whole story.  Not that it mattered, it was pretty apparent that I was already more than fired.

 

           "Mr. Andrews, I want to explain what happened. But please let me say first how terribly sorry I am about the whole thing.  If it is any consolation, I really didn’t realize Chad was your nephew at the time.”

 

           I told him my whole pathetic plan.  Every wretched, loser detail of it.  If anything, I hoped it would give him and his wife a good laugh over the dinner table tonight.  I wondered if on my exit paperwork it would say “lonely singleton” under “reason for termination.”

 

           Mr. Andrews sat in silence as I finished my story.  His face remained relatively expressionless. I think he was trying to digest it.  Probably thinking something like, “the dating game is definitely not what it used to be,” or some other over-40’s, confused reflection on today’s messed up generation of single people.

 

         "Again, I'm really sorry about all of this," I continued.  "I'll put my resignation letter on your desk before I leave tonight.  Mr. Andrews nodded.  “I think that’s best.”

 

*           *           * 

 

           Two weeks later, I was sifting through the job postings on Monster.com, remarking on the irony of it all, when my cell phone rang. 

 

           "Hello?" 

 

           "Hi, may I speak to Hilary Graham?"  It was a male voice. Poised.

 

           "Yes, speaking."  "My name is Todd Levy.  I'm the recruiting manager for Parker Media Enterprises, and I received your resume as a referral.  I was wondering if you might be able to come in for an interview." 

 

           I was thoroughly confused.  I had no idea who could have referred me.  I had never even heard of this company.  But I wasn’t about to turn down an interview opportunity so I took down the time and location and thanked him for his call.

 

           By the end of the week, I was sitting in the reception office of Parker Media Enterprises, still as clueless about the whole thing as I was before. 

 

           The receptionist called my name and led me down a long hallway.  She knocked on the door of an office and the voice inside said, “Come in.” 

 

           She left me at the door, and I slowly pushed it open and walked inside. 

 

           I practically gasped when I saw who was sitting behind the desk.  It was the one and only Chad Behrends…Mr. Andrew’s infamous nephew.  Obviously fully settled into his new, legitimate job.

 

           "Please, take a seat, Ms. Graham."  He was all business. 

 

           I quickly took my seat and kept my mouth shut.  I was in no position to ask questions or make assumptions. For all I knew, the guy had brought me in here to yell at me for my inappropriate behavior and give me a piece of his mind.  Which I very much deserved. 

 

          "Your resume is very impressive." 

 

          I smiled politely.  “Thank you.”

 

          "You have an excellent skill set." 

 

          I thanked him again. 

 

          "And a...well, creative side that I admire."

 

          I cringed.  This was it.  Let the Hilary bashing begin.

 

          "Let me start with just a few questions." 

 

          "Okay," I said weakly, barely managing to maintain eye contact with him. 

 

          "Have you ever withheld sex from a guy as a means of getting what you want?" 

 

          I blinked in disbelief and stared at him.  His face was as blank as a wall.  “What?”

 

             “You heard me.”

 

             “Um, no.  I don’t believe in using sex as a manipulation tool,” I replied carefully.

 

             He jotted something in his notes, I strained my neck to try and read it.

 

            “Are you willing to go to movies that are not chick flicks?”

 

            I stifled a laugh.  Was this guy for real?  His face was still giving nothing away.  “Well,” I began warily.  “I think it’s only fair to alternate who picks the movie.”

 

            He nodded his approval and looked down at his notes again.  “Do you like when a guy offers to cook you dinner instead of going out to eat?”

 

            He looked up at me, and our eyes locked.  A small, engaging smile slowly broke through his straight poker face.  I couldn’t help but blush and smile back.  Except mine was much bigger.

 

            “Yes,” I replied softly.

 

            “Do you like guys with dogs?”

 

            “Yes.”

 

            “What if a guy has no clue how to decorate his apartment, and his pillowcases don’t match his sheets? Would you hold that against him?”

 

            My smile got even bigger as I silently shook my head.

 

         “Do you think it’s strange that someone would hear about a girl who went through the trouble of creating a fake job posting just to meet eligible men and think it was incredibly and irresistibly cute?”

 

            I giggled.  “Well, kind of.  I guess it’s sort of strange.”

 

            “Do you think you’d still want to go out with him, despite the strange attraction he has to this girl?”

 

            I bit my lip. “I think I would.”

 

            “Okay, good.  You’re hired. Shall we say Saturday night?”

 

            My whole body was warm.  I’m sure my face was bright red, but I barely cared.  “Um, sorry, but I still don’t know what the job is.”

 

            “Does it matter?” he asked with a flirtatious grin.

 

            “I guess not.” I returned his playful smile as I shrugged and said, “It’s just that I was kind of thinking about joining the Peace Corps.”